I'm Proud of Me.

One of the most powerful affirmations I have adopted is also the simplest one to remember:

I'm proud of me.

I didn't hear that a lot growing up. I'm sure it was said, but so infrequently I sat struggling to recall the last time either parent said that and came up with only two examples:

My father once said he was proud of me for getting a good job.

My mother was proud that I married well (someone with upward financial mobility.)

That's all the pride they could muster for me. No pride in my talents, my character, my actions. Only praise for the status I gained from my employer and partner.

So, I have felt like a loser my whole life. I believed I had so little value. Every mistake I made felt astronomical and insurmountable. The lightest criticism unwound my knitted emotions. Nothing was ever good enough. I would never be good enough.

After a lot of therapy and many years to heal, I realized there was a little girl inside of me that needed to hear how proud I was of her. So, I began a daily affirmation practice. I started saying to myself:

"I'm proud of me."

At first I just said it, but didn't really mean it. It was hard for me to feel that much compassion for myself in the beginning. So, I'd just say it. "I'm proud of me." And I'd leave it there, continuing on with my day.

But over time something inside of me began to change. One night I was laying in bed, talking to my partner about a trauma from my childhood, and as I spoke about myself, I did so with so much new kindness. Without thought I said, "I'm so proud of her..." and then I stopped. "I'm so proud of...me. I'm her. I did that. I am so proud of me."

This breakthrough changed everything. As the months peeled away I peeled back the layers of time on my healing. The more time went on the more proud I became of my recent versions of me. I'm not yet proud of my current self, but I'm proud of me 5 years ago. Bit by bit I am loving myself into inner pride and joy. I am forgiving myself and rewarding myself with grace.

One day I'll look in the mirror and I'll say, "I'm proud of myself." And I won't be talking about 10 year old Tamra. Neither will it be about 30 year old Tamra. It'll be about me, right that moment, looking into the mirror at someone she is so proud to be in the present and the future.