The Four Year Curse
This is going to be one of those years that I look back on and think, "Wow. That sucked but oh my god...it was the best thing that could have happened."
2020 was that way for me. So was 2016. And now that I think of it, so was 2012, and 2008, and 2004, and oh my god...2000 as well.
It feels like every four years as far back as I can remember there has been some kind of big upheaval and shift in my life that forced me out of comfort zones and into new opportunities for growth. Even if they hurt like hell.
This year has been one of those years. A year that started off so hopeful but petered out by Feburary and then just got worse. But also, it's been really...great? I've had so much personal and career growth this year. I've lost a few friendships (and almost-friendships), but I've also deepened other friendships that are very dear to me.
To be honest, sh*t sucks.
But also, a lot of sh*t doesn't suck. It doesn't suck that I'm in the midst of a massive career shift that might lead nowhere but also might lead somewhere very fulfilling. Somewhere that gives my life a renewed sense of purpose. Somewhere that pools all my experiences, my knowledge, and my various skills together to create something bigger than I could have ever imagined four years ago.
I really, really, really could never have imagined this.
In numerology, the number 4 is associated with practicality, loyalty, and acts of service. In astrology the number 4 is considered to be lucky. And in the tarot, the number 4 is represented by the Emporer, known for stability, discipline, and kinship.
In most metaphysical and spiritualism circles, the number 4 is a strong, powerful number. In others the number 4 is considered unlucky. And my life path number? You guess it. It's 4.
So, maybe 4 is my magic number, in more ways than one. Maybe (probably) it's just a coincidence that every four years since my conception I've experienced massive shifts that steered my life in new directions, often by destroying the path I was already on. Maybe a lot of things. Maybe none of them at all. I don't know.
But what I do know is I am on the precipice of my 40th year of life. Four decades of existence on this planet and it still takes me by surprise. More often than not these surprises cause some damage, but I have always, eventually, clawed my way out of the rubble and emerged stronger than before.
I'm in a 4 year right now. There has been destruction, damage, upheaval, and change. And I have cried a lot and I have raged a lot and I have felt hopeless a lot. But this year, as opposed to years past, I have something to look forward to. Because I know a four year means there are good things coming. A four year means there is room being made in my life for newness.
Sometimes the number 4 feels like a curse. But, I see now it isn't. It's a blessing. It is a blessing to be able to reflect on your life and see all the ways you've survived and all the good that has happened to you.
That is a blessing. This year is a blessing. And I will receive it as such.
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